Previously on Vampire Diaries we learned the history of vampirism and that even 1000 year old vamps want to be popular.
This week on Vampire Diaries [Spoiler Alert] The Scoobies form a plan to lure Klaus back to Mystic Falls so that step-daddy Mikael can stake him with The Ornate Mr. Pointy. Since Stefan is compelled to do whatever Klaus asks, they really have to dagger Mikael so when Stefan calls Klaus he can truthfully say Mikael is dead. Rebekah confirms daddy’s dead, Klaus says I’m coming to see the body, and The Plan is set in motion. After the call Elena un-daggers Mikael and Rebekah gives him the ol’ “you’re a sucky father” speech. How dare he protect you by making you immortal and strong? What a dick.
Elena realizes that Rebekah might mess up their plans ‘cause she has all these emo feelings for her dad and her brother. Damon tells her he has a back-up plan, or plans, and not to worry. Stefan finally realizes how retarded it is that he’s 160 years old and he’s going to a high school dance. Point for Stefan! Bekah, on the other hand, is all, “OMG it’s my first high school dance. I can’t wait!” and tries on the dress that Elena so graciously helped her pick out in last week’s episode. Bekah then informs Elena not to trust anyone in her family. Elena’s all, “You look so pretty but you’re missing something,” and gives Rebekah back her witchy Mom’s necklace. Rebekah is filled with the glow of the plastics when Elena stabs her in the back… literally. Guess you’re not going to be Homecoming Queen this time, biatch!
Tyler, the sexy hybrid, is spray painting a car for some reason with Caroline and tries to get her to snack on some human volunteers that he’s been doing for a while. But Caroline is too good to snack on humans and wonders why Tyler is hanging out with Rebekah, “the evil blood slut.” Best. Name. Ever. Oh, and apparently Matt is taking Bekah to Homecoming. The rest of their conversation is not at all important.
The high school gym floods (coincidence?) and the dance is moved to Tyler’s house, but the guests that show up don’t look familiar to anybody. We later find out that Klaus is throwing the party and is actually celebrating the Death of Mikael. He has the house filled with the hybrid puppets he’s collected just in case something happens, like the Scoobies trying to get one over on him. He brings a band. They’re really hairy.
Since Bekah is indisposed, Matt brings Elena to the party. Caroline is all, “OMG Tyler’s master is throwing this party and he’s here.” But Matt and Elena are not surprised. She knows they’re up to something but no one is telling her anything so she pouts, like always. Klaus tells Stefan that he’s planned this party for 1000 years and can’t wait to reunite the family… that he’s daggered and carries around with him wherever he goes in caskets. Weird. Stefan’s all, “So, you wanna see your Pops?” Klaus is all, “Bring him here.” Stefan’s all, “If I do, I want my freedom.” “Sure, dude. As soon as Mikael’s dead and his weapon is destroyed, I will set you free.” Stefan’s all, “Sweet.” Stefan races home to tell Damon and Mikael that Klaus wants them to bring the body to him, but he’s overtaken by Mikael who almost breaks his neck.
Damon heads over to the party, kills a hybrid, finds Tyler and is all, “What the hell?” Tyler is all, “My master knows you guys are up to something and he’s going to kill you.” Epic vampire vs. hybrid battle ensues ending in Damon about to stake him with The Ornate Mr. Pointy, until Bonnie the witch, mind fucks them into stopping. Run-on sentence runs on. During all this, Klaus has a talking to with Elena and tells her to watch her back because he’s a bunch of steps ahead of anything the Scoobies might be planning.
Mikael shows up at the front door and wants Klaus to come out to play. Klaus and Mikael exchange witty banter. Klaus is all, “My minions won’t let anything happen to me, Dad.” Mikael’s all, “They’re still half vampire so I can compel them, dumb ass,” and then brings out Elena and says, “If you don’t come out, then I’m killing Elena.” Klaus is all, “Fuck you, Dad, kill her. I don’t care.” So Mikael does. As Klaus looks on in horror because of all the hybrids he’ll never be able to make, Damon overtakes him and stakes him with The Ornate Mr. Pointy, [revelation] but Klaus doesn’t die! Damon takes The Ornate Mr. Pointy out of Klaus, Elena comes back to life [revelation] it’s actually Katherine! and bombs the hybrids with wolfsbane grenades. As Damon goes after Klaus again, ZOMG STEFAN! comes out of nowhere and tackles Damon, leaving Klaus to grab The Ornate Mr. Pointy and stake Mikael! Mikael and The Ornate Mr. Pointy burst into flames. 15 points for Slytherin Klaus! Damon can’t believe his brother stopped him. Klaus is true to his word and uncompels Stefan.
Damon and Elena have a pity party and decide to (finally) let Stefan go. Katherine calls to say goodbye to Damon. After she hangs up we see [revelation] sitting next to her is Stefan! Flashbacks ensue. We find out that Katherine was the one to wake up Stefan and tells him that Klaus told her that if he dies the hybrids are programmed to kill Damon. Katherine forces Stefan to care so he’ll stop this from happening. Apparently she loves both of them and doesn’t want Damon to die, nor does she want Stefan to lose his humanity. “Humanity is a vampire’s greatest weakness.” Quote of the day. She also wants revenge.
The next day, Stefan calls Klaus to say thank you for his freedom. They have a lovely chat about all the horrible things Klaus made him do, blah, blah. Stefan then tells Klaus, “Hey, homey, I stole all of your family in their caskets. Neiner, neiner, neiner.” Klaus is all, “I will kill everyone you’ve ever met.” Stefan’s all, “Then you’ll never see your loved ones again. Payback’s a bitch, amigo.” Ok, I totally paraphrased all of that.
Oh, and the happy ending is that Tyler and Caroline broke up.
What will happen next week? [revelation] Re-runs! You have to wait until January 5th for new episodes, but here’s a sneak peak of the next new one:
Vampire Diaries airs, Thursdays 8/7 central. Duh!