“You know you’re hot enough to have your own show, right?”
Previously on Ringer: Siobget “loses” the “baby”, Malcolm moves in with Killer Charlie, Tyler kicks Siobhan to the curb, Machado wears eyeliner, Juliet annoys everyone, Andrew is still British, and no one cares about Gemma anymore.
This week on Ringer [SPOILER ALERT] Siobget returns to the closet to play kissy-face with her dead sister’s hubby, Andrew the Brit. He wants to take her on a vacation to Turks and Caicos. Siobget doesn’t know where that is. I guess they didn’t really teach her geography at hooker/stripper/druggie school. Andrew brings back Siobhan’s wedding dress that Juliet the Annoyer massacred and tries to place it on the rack, but Siobget freaks out and puts it away herself. She then, of course, heads straight to The Gun she’s hiding in plain sight, in a scarf, at the top of her shelf and fondles it a bit. [FLASHBACK] We find out that the cop guarding her back in Wyoming, Jimmy, actually stowed the gun away in her bag as he told her to leave and go see her sister because Bodaway was definitely going to kill her and all the cops were on his payroll. Naturally she calls Charlie the Killer to get ask him to get rid of The Gun, because all NA sponsors that are police officers would be glad to help someone break the law and get rid of another cop’s gun. Charlie is in some house calmly making a bologna sandwich and agrees to take The Gun from her. As he heads to the basement we see [REVELATION] Gemma!!!1 He didn’t kill her. He just has her tied up, blindfolded, and gagged in his
basement. What a sweetheart.
Whiny Henry shows up at Martin Charles with the elusive red-haired twins that everyone forgot about to sign some forms. We find out that Gemma’s dad, Daddy Moneybags, is sick. Olivia wants to go in for the kill now while he’s weak, but Andrew says no. He wants to be the man that Siobget thinks he is. Everyone gags. Olivia goes off on her own and stalks Henry to get Daddy Moneybags’ phone number. Instead she finds a photo of Siobhan and Henry together on his phone and emails it to herself. Blackmail time, baby.
Sexy Malcolm is back at Narcotics Anonymous and tells everyone what a swell guy Charlie is. Siobget later tells Malcolm that she gave The Gun to Charlie. Malcolm’s all, “It’s the only protection you have.” Siobget’s all, “I can’t have it at the house, not when Andrew’s finally starting to trust me.” Malcolm’s all, “How can he trust you when you’re pretending to be his dead wife?” 1000 points for Malcolm! Siobget’s all, “I’m not leaving until I find out who’s trying to kill my sister.” She then begins snooping around and finds a prescription for anti-depressants. She calls the doctor’s office and makes an appointment.
The doctor thinks she’s acting weird and Siobget tells her she’s repaired everything wrong in Siobhan’s life. The doctor’s all, “So why are you here again?” Siobget’s all, “ZOMG, I’m falling in love with Andrew… all over again!” Now that’s what they teach you at hooker/stripper/druggie school! Steal your dead sister’s husband!
Malcolm calls after Siobget leaves to tell her that he doesn’t think they can trust Charlie because there’s mouthwash in his bathroom and it doesn’t look like he really lives there. Siobget doesn’t listen because she’s too busy trying to figure out how to break into the doctor’s office. She finally breaks in and steals the notes from Siobhan’s last session. Doc catches her and kicks her out saying she doesn’t want to be her doctor anymore. Siobget’s all, “I don’t care,” and sneaks a peak at the notes. Apparently Siobhan’s paranoid and she might have a stalker, so the doc prescribed anti-depressants. Gee, maybe someone should have called the cops? Crazy thought. She also finds out that Siobhan found an answer at a “church” which shocks everyone since Siobhan’s never been to church a day in her life…
Charlie comes home to take a shower and Malcolm goes through his things and finds a key with an address on it. Siobget stakes out the church and finds [REVELATION] Charlie there DRINKING!!! Hey, how can he be an NA sponsor and drink whiskey? And the bartender calls him John! Siobget is perplexed. Someone else has a dual identity too? WTF? Siobhan calls Charlie/John for an update. We find out that Charlie/John paid Jimmy the cop in Wyoming to give Bridget The Gun and to send her to Siobhan. At the same time, Malcolm raids the mailbox at the address and finds a letter to a John Delario.
The two Scoobies meet up and try to figure out what to do next. The letter has yet another address to a place in Brooklyn. Malcolm decides to head to the house while Siobget stalls Charlie/John with her witty banter. When she asks for the gun back, Charlie/John gets spooked and leaves. He immediately calls Siobhan and tells her that Siobget is on to him. Gemma hears someone upstairs and makes so much noise that she falls on her side. Malcolm hears noises coming from the basement and tries to find ways to open the door when Siobget texts him to get out. We are left with Malcolm trying to pry into the basement.
Juliet doesn’t show up in this episode. That makes it the best. episode. ever!
Ringer returns with the mid-season finale on Tuesday 11/29 at 9/8 central on the CW. Happy Thanksgiving!