Previously on Being Human Little Miss Pointy Face (or Julia as they like to call her) had a heart-to-heart with Josh; Reaper made Sally an offer she couldn’t refuse – become a reaper or die; Reaper shredded Suicide Stevie *tear*; Aidan culled the orphans but spared Henry only to have Princess Celestia Suren skin him alive. This week on Being Human [SPOILER ALERT]
Warning: Numerous flashbacks, incessant scenes with Pointy Face and Whiny Josh, and enough Jay Baruchel gifs to give you an epileptic seizure.
Sally, who’s overly tanned and orange-lipped for a ghost this week, is ready for her first day as the Reaper’s Apprentice. Walter, that ghost that was going to Psychic Nurse Zoe’s ghost rehab to stop body snatching, was in the park – body snatching. Sally pulls him out and scolds him. He says he just can’t stop. Sally tries to shred him but his crying for help starts getting to her so Sexy Reaper has to come in and kill Walter himself. Reaper tries to coach Sally on how to do a fast, clean shred but she’s worried that they might be wrong and shredding innocent ghouls. Reaper says they would say anything not to die, wouldn’t you? “How do you know for sure they’re not telling the truth?” Sally asks. “You’ll know” says Sexy Reaper.
Josh and Julia bump into each other at the hospital and they decide to be friends. Awwww *gag*. Josh is feeling all good about himself when he sees Jay Baruchel in the hallway. Apparently Jay is Stu, you know that guy that went camping with Josh and then a werewolf came and ate Stu while Josh only became a werewolf. [Now that I know that Stu is Jay Baruchel, I hate Josh even more.] Josh is so pumped to see his old bestie because he missed having someone to talk about himself to that would actually listen but he really had hoped Stu would have gotten his door. Stu says he’s the king of unresolved issues so no door for him. Josh asks what Stu has been up to. Stu says he’s been angry because Josh survived and left.
Josh: I’m glad you’ve gotten over that.
Yeah, I don’t think he’s over that, homie. Stu advises Josh not to be friends with Julia since they’ve always been “all in” kind of people. Josh tells Stu that he doesn’t want to fuck up Julia’s life anymore like he did Nora’s.
Aidan is trying to take care of his skinless “son” Henry in his room in the house. Henry would rather die because the pain is too much for him. Aidan knows there’s only one way to heal Henry — college coeds! Aidan compels two chicks to come in and be snacks for Henry. What a good daddy.
Sally’s at the house when [REVELATION] Boner shows up (he was supposed to be dead, killed by Stevie, that’s why the Reaper shredded him).
Sally: But Stevie shredded you!
Boner: Um, no. Who told you that?
Sally: A ghost reaper
Boner: Is he still after Stevie?
Sally: Not anymore.
Why is sexy reaper lying to Sally?
Sally goes to the hospital to talk to Psychic Nurse Zoe about the lying Reaper. Nick the ghost and Sally’s ex is there “helping” her with the newborns. They suggest coming to the group and asking the other ghosts to see if they can help.
Josh and Julia decide it’s a great idea for exes to go to a bar and hang out together. Stu shows up and tries to stop the flirting that’s happening between the two. Josh gets all nervous and leaves with a handshake. But then he comes back? and we cut to Julia’s apartment where [REVELATION] THEY HAVE ZEE SEX! But then we realize that [REVELATION] STU BODY SNATCHED JOSH WHEN HE LEFT THE BAR AND IT’S REALLY STU HAVING ZEE SEX WITH JULIA!!!1
(I cut this scene way down, by the way, because I can’t be bothered talking about Josh and Julia so much. It makes my head hurt.) Josh wakes up next to Julia and is all “WTF?” Stu whooshes in and fesses up.
Josh: Why would you do this to Julia?
Stu: Because I’ve been in love with her since high school but I was too chicken-shit to ask her out.
But then Josh hooked up with her and then they were engaged and it broke Stu’s heart. Josh then realizes that Stu didn’t come to the hospital to see him but because he’s been following Julia around.
Stu: I body snatched you because I wanted her to look at me the way she used to look at you.
Wow. Pathetic. Heartbreaking, even. Josh said those days were over but Stu tells him that she did look at him that way last night (when he was banging her) and that he would give anything to trade Josh’s “curse” for his “curse” and to be with Julia for the rest of his life. (I still don’t get the attraction to pointy face, but, whatevs.)
During Henry’s feeding frenzy Bimbo #1 wakes up from compulsion and freaks because Bimbo #2 is bleeding. Bimbo #2 becomes aware as well and they both start screaming, “Let us go. There’s so much blood. Blah, blah.” So Aidan, naturally, has to break both of their necks. Henry jumps off the bed and starts chowing down.
When Sally shows up at ghost rehab the place has been wrecked. Reaper is there and apparently killed every ghost. Zoe screams at Sally, “You did this! You killed them all!” Sally yells at Reaper that she’s done and doesn’t want to do this anymore. “I’ll never be like you!” Reaper says, “The only path you have is the one I choose for you.”
Josh is sitting in Julia’s living room when she wakes up and tells him to come back to bed. Josh doesn’t think that’s a good idea but Julia proceeds to sit on his lap and cuddle with him. The real Josh finally gets to make out with Julia. Stu watches and leaves.
Josh shows up at the house where Aidan and Henry are outside shooting the shit, watching movers take out the dead bodies. Josh goes to introduce himself to Henry when he’s all, “Yeah, we met yesterday.”
Josh is all, “You look so healthy, Henry.” Shifty eye to Aidan. Josh sees the moving truck and knows how Henry got better so fast. Henry bones out and Josh has a temper tantrum with Aidan about how this house is his only escape from the crazy and now Aidan is bringing the crazy here. Aidan tells him, again, that he’s trying to make everything right so that he can finally be free. He told him it was going to get messy. Aidan says “This won’t happen again. Everything will be back to normal soon.” Yeah, until you guys go inside.
Sally is inside trying to salt a circle around herself to keep the Reaper away from her when Nick shows up. He tells her that Zoe told him what happened and Sally says, “I didn’t know the Reaper was going to kill everyone.” Nick tells her that they want to get her help and then she’ll never do this again.”
Sally: I didn’t do it! It was the Reaper!
Nick: There is no Reaper.
As the Reaper walks up behind him. Sally tries to tell Nick that the Reaper is behind him, but Nick insists that there’s no one there. Reaper then sticks his arm through Nick!
Sally: Let go of him, he didn’t do anything!
Reaper: He thinks he can have a human and flaunt it in our face?
Sally: Stop! I’ll never be like you!
Reaper: Don’t you get it? [REVELATION] I AM YOU!
Reaper’s face morphs into Sally’s! Sally flashes back to Rocker Ghost (I forgot his name already) that told her that the longer a ghost stays around the crazier the ghost becomes. We flash to Suicide Stevie telling Sally she’s crazy, then Danny being killed by Sally — not the Reaper. Then we see Sally killing ghost after ghost and Sally, thinking she’s talking to the Reaper, but actually talking to herself. This brings a whole new meaning to Ghost Face Killa (pa-dump-bump).
Aidan and Josh walk in on Sally with her fist inside of Nick’s chest and try to talk her down. “Sally you don’t want to do this.” “Oh, I think I do.”
Josh or Aidan, I forgot: That’s not for you to decide!
Crazy Sally: It was time for them to go. They need to stop holding on.
Aidan: Sally, you belong with us.
Crazy Sally’s voice goes all poltergeisty and she makes shit go flying everywhere. The boys duck for cover and Aidan grabs the magical fireplace poker and disperses Sally. We next see Sally laying on the stairway where she died and the boys have put salt all around her. Sally wakes up and …
Normal? Sally: What’s going on?
Aidan: You tell us.
Normal? Sally: I can’t move can you…
And dumb ass Josh was going to help her out of the salt! Thank God Aidan stops him!
Normal? Sally: Guys, let me up… Guys?
Demon Sally: LET ME UP!!!
Here’s Aidan’s Flashbacks in one neat paragraph:
Aidan is a soldier in World War I, Henry is a medic. Aidan comes into the medic tent with a lot of bullet wounds. He’s so bad off that the other doctor tells Henry not to give him morphine because he’s just going to die anyways and why waste it. Aidan demands Henry take the bullets out of his body. Later Henry is surprised that Aidan is healing so quickly and tells him how brave he is and wants to know what it’s like to kill because he’s so wimpy he could never do it. Aidan says he’s killed so many he’s lost count. Henry leaves to tend to another soldier.
A blood-soaked rag is thrown in Aidan’s direction and he drinks from it but he’s caught by another soldier. The soldier only speaks french and Henry is the only french-speaker of the group.
Frenchy tells Henry that Aidan is a vampire and will kill everyone. Henry looks at Aidan suspiciously, but says nothing to the other soldiers. Later Frenchy tries to stake Aidan. Henry jumps on Frenchy, they wrestle, and Henry gets a stake in him. Henry tells Aidan, “Please don’t let me die.” Aidan drinks some of Henry’s blood and then goes all killer vampire on the whole medic tent.
Henry awakens in a clearing with Aidan. He now has perfect vision and his wound is healed. Aidan tells Henry that everyone else is dead. Aidan killed them to help both of them heal. There’s one man bound and gagged next to Henry.
Aidan: You wanted to know what it feels like to kill a man. Here, I saved one for you.
Henry: I told you I can’t kill a man.
Aidan: That was before you met me.
A solitary tear rolls down Henry’s face as he turns all vampy and he eats Soldier #12. And that’s the story of how Aidan met Henry. The End.
Special thanks to the Temptation Is A Beast tumblr for the awesome gifs I used in the article! The Jay Baruchel gifs are from all over the internet. Next week on Being Human, Sally is cuckoo for cocoa puffs! Here’s a trailer for next week’s episode, “Dream Reaper.”
Being Human airs Monday nights 9/8c on Syfy.